I Think This is Beautiful

Therefore, I must subject it upon the world.

Happy Thursday

Of course I had to share this as soon as I saw it on fail blog. You’re welcome.

Why Didn’t I Grow Up in England?

I Haven’t Updated in a Few Days

I’ve been sick with the plague. It’s a fascinating story involving an emergency trip to the doctor, secondary ear infections, not being able to hear, and having tons and tons of homework, along with nightmares about homework. (Theraflu = interesting dreams.)

Oh, also, did you know if you don’t put your AT&T check in the mail early enough, they’ll shut off your Internet? Yeah. I’m gonna hope that’s back on tomorrow.

Etc, etc, I’m still alive.

Week One: Photos 1-7

I’ve completed my first week of the 365 photo challenge.  Themes used this week: toys, street/road, 9 am, feathers or feathered, public  transportation, fire or flame, and laundry.

On Being Human

Whenever things go wrong with my body, I find that I feel strangely human. That is, when I feel well, I don’t really ponder the state of my body or my finite existence, or if I do, my ponderances seem different–more far away and eventual than something to worry about at this point in my life. When I feel bad, though, I can’t ignore my own vulnerabilities. I can’t escape to my life of the mind when my body is demanding immediate attention. Today was one of those days, when my routine check-up revealed that I am in the beginning stages of hypertension, thanks to my medications.

I’d known something was wrong for a while, but ignored it. A part of me didn’t want to know something else was wrong. I just hoped I didn’t someday faint in a public place. As I heard my latest diagnosis, I readied myself to inform her that, you know what? I’m not taking any more medications, thank you very much. I’m tired of putting a small pharmacy in my body every day. I’m tired of going back to the pharmacy pretty much every week. I’m tired of spending $700-900+ per month on my medications. The problem is, I still like breathing and staying out of the hospital. So, begrudgingly, I’ll still go to that pulmonologist appointment tomorrow, even though I’m tired of being examined for signs of allergy inflammation and I’m tired of some doctor listening to my lungs and I’m tired of trying to blow out all the candles on the computer screen’s birthday cake (I’m a big girl and can use an electronic peak flow meter without Kindergarten graphics, thanks) and, most of all, I’m tired of my insurance paying about $1,000 per visit, only for me to get another letter from my insurance months later saying that she can bill me for still more, then another letter saying she has graciously decided to not completely squeeze me dry yet.

Of course, what I’m really tired of is having a chronic illness in the first place. I’m tired of having to keep a lookout around me to make sure no one is smoking. I’m tired of having to actually give up my seat at the bus stop to go stand in the rain to get away from some rude smoker who, in this case, actually followed me out into the rain to silently stand next to me as if I were the rude one for getting up and leaving as soon as she sat down next to me. It’s okay. Please do make your little point that you can smoke wherever you want outside and piss off as many people as possible in the process. I didn’t need to breathe. I digress. While we’re on the matter, though, I’m also sick of having to think of the mall as some form of purgatory for all the smells I must endure, from the smokers lining the doorways, sidewalks, and bus stop, to the perfumes everywhere I look, to the dyes in fabrics, to candles and incense burning in stores. In winter, just walking through the mall causes my scarf to smell like a mix of perfumes, which causes me to have an asthma attack as soon as I go outside and put it back around my mouth and nose.

Usually, I don’t really worry about all the medicines I take and all the effort involved in staying healthy, but today I find myself tired of it all and just wishing I could remember what it was like to not be on any medication whatsoever. Unfortunately, the last time I wasn’t on any medications, my asthma and allergies became so bad that my peak flow reading was so low, the school nurse was amazed I’d even been able to walk in the office. If the nebulizer treatment she gave me hadn’t raised my peak flow so much, I would’ve been hospitalized. So, my memories of not being on medications are vague because I was so very sick and didn’t even really notice it, simply because I felt so bad.

It’s strange for me to have gone from being such a healthy child to an adult that seems to be collecting ailments, allergies, and medications. It’s strange to have such a reinforcement of my own vulnerabilities and mortality. It seems much more normal for me to worry about everyone else but myself as if nothing will ever happen to me, but here I am just as human and as fragile as anyone else. Is it too late to be a demigod?

Why I Love Apartment Living, Part Two

What do you mean, did I do this? I resent the implication! *hides red Sharpie* (Anybody want to go assess the parking lot with me? Gotta see how much my apartment complex has to pay in taxes on it, right?)

One Year. 365 Photos.

Yesterday, I (apparently) joined the 365 photo challenge. While I’m quite late, it sounds like fun and I like having excuses to take random photos. Assuming I stick with this, I’d like to make my own challenge of continuing for one year since the day I started, or Sept 11, 2010. There are themes from which to choose we’ll see if I use them, so that gives it a strange sort of community feel to know that there are strangers around the world doing the same thing.

Here are my first attempts. I’ve polaroid-ized them to make them prettier, imho. In case you’re interested, I’m using a program called (get this) Polaroid, which you can download for free. The awesome thing about this program is that you can watch your photos turn from yellow into fully processed, and save as many copies of the process as you want. There’s supposed to be a way to “shake” the photo, too, but I’ve yet to find it.

 

Ah, Blogging

We Now Pause for This Moment of History